You Say

  I am going to be real, vulnerable, and honest in this one. If it helps you, that's amazing or if you read it for entertainment, that's fine too.

I have struggled with low self worth and low self esteem for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, that has been something I work through/battle everyday. You need this information to read the rest of the blog.

The last few weeks have been difficult with this. I do not like the way I look whatsoever. Yes, I know what I have to do to change that and I have been working on that, but I still have these insecurities. I even had them when I was a size 2...

I was listening to a relaxation channel on Pandora this evening just sitting in the moment and praying. The song "You Say" came on and something really hit me. I hurt so badly when my girls say they don't like something about themselves or when they compare themselves to another person. As a mom of three girls and a youth leader, I have heard this a lot unfortunately. I always correct them and tell them they are absolutely beautiful and made the way God wanted them to be. As a mom this breaks my heart, and then it hit me...

It has to hurt God when we say these things about ourselves. He talks about everything He has called us...loved, beautiful, perfectly made in His image, wanted, adored. When He looks at us He doesn't see our imperfections, He doesn't see the extra weight, or acne, or scars from whatever, He sees perfection and love. Y'all, that's so big. I can't even wrap my head around that, but that is what He thinks of each and every one of us. 

Next time you look in the mirror, or think something negative about yourself, remember that God loves what He sees!! Be a little less harsh on yourself and have grace.

Changes

 Wow, to say this last year has been life changing is an understatement.  It has for everyone in so many ways, but I am going to share one big way it has for me. I know I have shared that I have been attending CR for a little over a year and recently just got my 1 year chip for anxiety, but that is only part of what I have done...

Attending CR has been so helpful and awesome. I am working to heal anxiety, self worth, and co-dependency.  What I haven't shared is that last August I started a Step Study. If you know anything about recovery of any kind, you know there are 12 steps. Well, in CR there are also 12 steps and 8 principles that we dive into to really heal/recover ourselves. This program has been very challenging and so rewarding. When I went through my Spiritual and moral inventory, I uncovered things I didn't know I  had been holding on to. I was able to release those and work through them. I have written my testimony from birth til now, that will be given in April.

What I really wanted to share is that on Wednesday, I am graduating my step study and can begin helping others work through their hurts, habits, and hang-ups! Come out and see what CR can do for your life!!

New Me

Hello, it has been way too long since I have pulled up my blog and just wrote. I do a lot of journaling but that isn't normally shared with anyone, much less everyone on my social media wo wants to read it. 

This one will be a little long, just going to warn you ahead of time, but I promise if you read the whole thing, you will learn a thing or two about me. Here goes....

Our church has something called Celebrate Recovery that they offer each and every week to those who want to go, yes, even if that Wednesday falls on a holiday, they are there with open arms. A little over a year ago they were talking about it being the 1st Anniversary of having it at Essential and how it was going to be a giant celebration. 

Rewind a little.... Celebrate Recovery is for anyone with a hurt habbit, or hangup. In my mind, it was for people struggling with something that I wasn't. I really thought it was for people who had struggles with drinking, drugs, bad habbits they needed help with. I could not have been more wrong. 

Okay, back to the big celebration. A good friend of mine had said that she went and invited me to go and check it out. I said sure, made arrangements for Lexi to get to and from practice, this was when she was practicing every Wednesday.  I arrived at the church and saw so many friends, I was nervous and excited, I had no idea what to expect. It not only was the 1 year anniversary of CR at our church, it was chip night! I will explain that in a little bit.

The evening started with worship, everyone went up and got their chips when their time of "sobriety" was called out. A blue chip is the first step, next chip is 30 days and so on. I still wasn't sure what CR was really all about. Seeing all of my friends and people I didn't know cheering for them as they made that public declaration was so emotional. Our speaker that night gave their testimony and I sobbed. I mean couldn't breath, non stop crying like I hadn't done in a long time. I didn't think about it then, but that was God telling me "Welcome Home".

Celebrate recovery is for people who struggle with drinking and drugs, but it is so much more than that. It's for people who are or have dealt with depression, eating issues, self image issues, anxiety, other habbits, hurts, or hangups that are keeping them from living the life with Jesus that they are longing to have. 

I had a conversation with the Pastor who heads up our CR a few weeks later. I told him I wanted to continue attending but I am busy every Wednesday. He told me something that has stuck with me since that day. He said, "Lauren. when it is your time to be here, God will make that happen and make a way for you to be here". I wasn't able to make it bck for several months despite wanting to reach out more and see what I could learn from it. 

A few months ago they announced they were going to start The Landing, CR for teens. Since I am very active in our youth group, they asked if I would mind going the first night so any teens from our church who went would have a familiar person there with them. At this point travel softball was done for the spring since school ball was starting up and I had Wednesdays open. When the night was over, I was asked to stay and help with the teen program each week.

After a few weeks I realized that I had begun to hand things over to God that I had held on to and that had held me captive for so many years.

Ready to learn the first thing about me in this blog........

 When we introduce ourselves at CR, we start with "I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I struggle with________, and my name is ________. When I introduced myself to the teens that first night and said that I struggle with anxiety, I can't tell you how many of them turned and looked at me with their jaws dropped open. I don't, well, I didn't share that often or to many people. I was ashamed of dealing with anxiety. I thought as a mom and navy wife, someone who served in our church, someone who manages a department at my job, and someone who loves Jesus more than anything, that it was wrong to have anxiety. It's not wrong, but it is something that I am working on daily trying to hand it to God and let Him take it. 

During the next chip night, we have them once a month, I decided it was my time to take that step and pick up my blue chip. The unbelievable emotion that I felt, the weight literally lifted off of my shoulders making me feel free, the friends and other members who attend cheering for me making that decision was overwhelming. I felt free for the first time in so long and I felt so supported. I work with a good friend who attends CR at her church and the next day when I went in, I told her I had something to show her, I pulled out my blue chip and she cried with me!! Y'all, the amount of support you get with what we all refer to as "Our Forever Family" is amazing!

Are there still times I have to remember to hand things over to God before I let them affect me like they used to, absolutely, but I know that God had me!

I have since gotten my 30 day and 60 day chips. I am picking up my 90 day chip this week... As well as a blue one for another area of my life I am going to start working on. 

This Wednesday I would love to invite you as my guest to come check out something that has been helping me tremendously. Message me for info... We are having dinner (pizza $5) at 6:15pm, worship at 7pm, chip night celebration time, graduation from CR step studies (I haven't done this part yet) and an amazing testimony given by a great friend. I can't wait to hear it, cheer for everyone picking up chips, and spending another night with my forever family!

Y'all, CR has been changing my life in more ways than one. I can't thank them enough for bringing it to our church and being there each and every week!

Relationships

   I am and always have been one of those people who give their all in each and every relationship I have. Sometimes that has worked out, more often than not lately it has caused more pain than happiness. I either get taken advantage of or the other person in the relationship doesn't care the way I do and therefore it ends in feeling alone.
   When I say relationship, that goes for every kind, friends, husband, family. My relationships with family and my husband are fantastic. I am very happy in each and every one of them. The ones I am having a hard time with are friends.
    Yes, I have friends, but lately that lonely feeling has set back in. This may sound childish, but it's how I feel and that's what I am sharing. It hurts when you aren't invited out with the girls. I have had 2 girls nights in the last 2.5 years. I am a busy mom and wife, but I have time for friends. It's hard when you're the "new one". We have been here for over two years, but most of the friends I have grew up together and their friendships are set and stronger. I feel like an outsider sometimes. I know that's life with the military, just hard to swallow sometimes.
   
     

New Year...New Me

   I used to be a blogger. Well, if you can call the note section on myspace a blog. I would write and feel better about myself, get things out and not bottle them up, share thoughts with anyone who wanted to read them, and I was held accountable. One of my goals for this year is to blog more. I am not doing it for anyone else, I'm not doing it to air out dirty laundry, no-one even has to read it, I am doing it for me.
    Every year I try to make new years resolutions. Each year some of them happen while others aren't even close to being met. This year I have decided to shorten my list and make sure I complete them. How and why is this year different? That's  good question. Some of the things on my list, I have been working on for a few years, it's time that they happen, and that I make them happen.
     What are my resolutions this year?
*To be a better daughter of Christ
   ~Reading my Bible more, praying with purpose
*To be a better mom
    ~I absolutely love being a mom to my three beauties. There are some days that are harder than others and I need to work on those days. I need to be more positive, and make communication better and more meaningful between all of us.
*To be a better wife
     ~Being married is not always easy and fun. I love my husband like crazy, but being married takes work. We have different roles in the marriage and the family and I want to do whatever I can to make our marriage stronger.
*To lose weight and get healthier
       ~I have never been happy with how I look even when I as itty bitty. Having others motivate me and push me has always helped. This year I have several new ideas and plans in place to make this happen and I can't wait to start on this journey and reach the goal I've had for a while.
*To build my business
       ~I am still with ItWorks. It hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be, but I am thinking of new ways to tackle it and make it into something huge.

I have so many things in mind for each of these. I can't wait to get started and make 2015 the best it can be for myself and my family!

I Forgive You

     I forgive you... Yes, you, the person reading this right now. I am writing this to family and friends. You might be wondering what I am forgiving you for. I guess I should fill you in on that now, right?
      Wayne and I go to an amazing church. One of the groups we "belong" to is Genesis, a wonderful group for young adults. I know, we're probably too old to be there still, but they are wonderful enough to let us keep attending...for now:) Last night we sang a song that we've sung several times, well one of the lines grabbed my attention.

"The cross before me, the world behind me. No turning back, no turning back"
    
I realized in that moment that I tend to live in the past and focus on things that have hurt me and upset me and I hold a grudge.God forgives us all for everything as long as we ask Him to, why is it so hard for us to do the same?  There are several people who don't even know that I hold that grudge against them, they don't know why. Some people may not care and that's fine. I'm not writing this for you, I'm writing it for me. I can't move forward and live my life the way God intended me to without moving out of the past and focusing on my future. To move out of the past, I have to let things go and forgive people so that I can start with a clean slate and forget about it all!!
    I have prayed over everyone that I need to forgive and told God what they've done to upset me and asked Him to help me move forward! There are some things that I am going to struggle with for a while. Some things are harder to get past, but I am going to do my best to work on them! 
     

My Spiritual Journey

   I am the closest to God now that I have ever been. It's taken time, faith, patience, prayers, and going down the wrong path at times to get here. After a lot of thinking and praying, I've decided it's time to write about this amazing journey. Like all of my blogs, I don't really care who reads them, they are mainly for me but I share them (well, most of them) to let others in. 
   I was born and raised in a Christian home, went to church on a regular basis, went to a private Lutheran school, and have always known that Jesus is my savior! Does that mean that I've always done the right things? Absolutely not.
I have sinned, every one of us do all the time. Those who say they don't are not only not being honest with themselves and others, they aren't being honest with God. I stopped going to church for a while. I wouldn't talk about my love for God around friends because I knew they either didn't believe or I wouldn't have "fit in". I explored a different religion that I soon found out wasn't for me. I won't say which one that was because It's not my place to say they're right or wrong, but it wasn't what I believe in.
  When I was in high school, one of my favorite teachers and I were talking and she told me about the church that she went to. I tried it out and loved it. I went there for a few years, participated in the youth department helping out, and loved the church family that I had. I just knew that I was going to marry someone who had a similar background and things would be perfect. I was wrong, and I'm glad I was. Wayne never went to church while growing up. He said yes the first time I asked him to go with me and he's been going ever since.  We moved to South Carolina and found the most amazing church! We started going to a young adult night, we went to the first young marrieds group that was there, we'd be there every Sunday, we prayed and read the Bible, but it wasn't enough. All three of our daughters were all baptized and know that God loves them, but aside from dinner and bedtime prayers, we didn't talk about Him. I felt something missing, it was almost like going through the motions without the emotions behind it. Don't get me wrong, we loved everything about it all, but I still felt empty. I found out later why. Don't worry, we'll get to that part!
   When we moved from SC to VA, nothing was the same. We had a few friends who moved with us, we met new ones there, but never found a church we couldn't wait to go to. That's when I felt the most lost. I still prayed, listened to Christian music, and loved God, but that's where it ended. I would let myself get stressed out way more than I needed to over everything. Why? Because I wasn't allowing God into my whole life.
   Ok, now for the best part..... I feel complete and no longer empty!!! We are back at the church that we LOVE! We have amazing friends, true friends, who are our church family. The girls all love going into their classes, singing praise songs all the time, praying, and we talk about everything God does all the time. Wayne and I are now there on Sundays, Tuesdays for the young adult class, Wayne's playing with the church softball team, we go to the young marrieds group, and I go to MOPS. Does that make everything right and us good people? Not exactly. Yes, it's great that we are getting so involved. That's what God wants, but He wants more than that too. He wants a personal relationship with us all. 
We've seen God really start working more in our family! Wayne's leading prayers at home, we're talking about the lessons we've been talking about in all of our classes and services all throughout the week and making them part of our lives, we're talking about what holidays (i.e. Easter and Christmas even palm Sunday) are about with the girls. My parents have found their first church home in a few years (we had a great one, but after a few pastoral changes in very little time, it wasn't the same to us). Hearing them talk about it is amazing to me!
  I'm reading the Bible and several Christian books and trying to better my relationship with God. Every single person has to work at that everyday. I'm praying and living my life the way God wants me to. It's great to know that I'm whole again because MY GOD LOVES ME!!! God loves you too.. How amazing is that? Seriously, GOD LOVES YOU!!!
  

Too many directions, one blog!

  So many thoughts, where to begin? Forewarning, this is going to be all over the place. lol

   Since the new year has started we've been working on one series in church. It was the most powerful series we've ever heard. Existing vs. Living. After the first week Wayne and I have had many conversations on the subject. Of course we're existing, we're alive right? BUT... We both agree we haven't been truly living. We aren't working to the potential that God has called us to. Yes, Wayne is in the Navy and works hard there, and I'm a mom and taking care of the girls and everything at home, but that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is following the plan God has to us in his entirety. What is God calling us to do? We all have dreams, hopes, expectations, but God's are better, bigger, and stronger. I am so excited to see everything that God has planned for us as individuals and as a family!   (random, if you watch Bones, she talks about living vs existing in the episode from this week)

    The greatest place in Earth is of course... DISNEY!!! We have been there every year for the last three years and are so excited to be going back this summer. We have it all booked and set up!! Since booking it, we've seen advertisements everywhere. Wayne ordered the Disney planning DVD and we watched it with the girls. Lexi and Kayla remember a lot of it, Natalie was kind of there. lol We were newly pregnant. Seeing their faces light up and talk about everything they want to do when we go back. They can't wait to stay in the Disney resort, Art of Animation in the Cars family suite. We're going to Magic Kingdom, Hollywood Studios, Animal Kingdom, Epcot, and Downtown Disney. They've picked out their costumes as well and can't wait til we get them. Lexi is dressing Cinderella, Kayla is dressing as Belle, and Natalie will dress as Snow White. Last time we went we did the Bibbidi bobbidi boutique where they had their makeup, hair, and nails all done, this time we aren't doing that since Natalie won't remember it, but we definitely will the next time we go. They are getting a HUGE surprise though once we get there:) I will leave that for a later post!!!
 

 This was the last time we were there with the girls once we visited the bibbidi bobbidi boutique

                                            The sign in front of the resort we're staying in

   This room is the family suite. It has a bedroom (left) a pull out bed (right) and the table on the very left pulls down into a bed too:) We can't wait to stay here

   The navy is our next stop on this crazy blog. lol Wayne's been in the Navy for a little over 6 years. The last time I blogged I talked about our decision to re-enlist. Well, after more praying and talking to some friends who now have a civilian job out of the Navy, we've decided not to re-enlist. We have about three years left and we will be on our next adventure. We are looking at two plants. One is in IL, not too far from where we're from, and the other is in MD. Either way, we're buying our first home!!!! We can't wait to buy a home, make it our own adding whatever we want to it and not having to ask permission or change it back. We got very lucky that we love everything about the house we're renting right now. We have loved getting to meet so many people and making some amazing friends that we never would have met without the Navy.

  Wayne's getting ready to run his first race. A 5k Rugged Maniac in the beginning of March. The girls are I are so proud of him and will be there cheering him on along the way!!

   Hmmm, I guess this is it for this post.. Till next time........

Big Decisions!

 Lately we have been trying to decide on some pretty big things. Things that will impact our family greatly! With a lot of praying and talking we finally came up with an answer.. First, some background info........
 
  This Friday marks six years that we've been a Navy family. Yes, that means that if Wayne hadn't re-enlisted 4 years ago, we would be done with the Navy life this week. That's crazy to think. We added an additional two years (cancelled the last contract and made a new one of 6 years), thought we would finish up that time, get a job outside of the Navy, move wherever that job took us (we know that Indiana may not be an option and are prepared to move wherever we need to go), and start our lives there. Well, Wayne had to extend his current contract by a few months making it 3 years left in to be able to move back to SC for shore duty. We've been talking about what we're going to do next. We weighed our options

STAY IN~(PROS)  a set paycheck(increasing every year and as he advances), great insurance, meeting so many great people
(CONS) moving when told even if it's last minute, changing the girls' schools each time, still away from family

GET OUT~ (PROS) able to settle in one area where we find jobs and buy a house, might be closer to family, possibly making more
(CONS) maybe not getting a job right away, having to pay for insurance

Wayne has always told me since day one that if I ever decide I don't like this life anymore, we're getting out as soon as his contract is up and he won't re-enlist again. I have always loved that about him. He takes my feelings into consideration and realizes that we are both part of the Navy, in different ways, but we both serve.

We have decided to re-enlist! Yep, that means at least another 6 years in. We still aren't sure if it will be a career or not, but we will decide whether or not to re-enlist again when that time comes.

That was the first, and biggest decision we had to make. The other was since we're getting two leave periods this year.. When are we going to go home to visit? Originally we were only getting one this summer and were going to go home then. Now that we're getting two, we are planning a family vacation this summer and waiting until around Christmas to go home. As always, visitors are welcome to come here anytime!

I'm back!

     Where have I been you may ask? I am not quite sure myself!
I used to be someone who had to dress cute, have my hair and makeup done, and always looking my best to even go to the store. I was happy then. I felt great, had more energy, I felt like me.
    For a while now it's been, oh we're going to the store, I have sweatpants on, a t-shirt with snot or something on it from my kids and I was ok with that. Yes, I am a mom, but there's no reason that I can't be me anymore. I have decided that I'm taking over again. 
     I haven't ever been happy with my body and my size. Even when I was itty bitty in high school, there was something I didn't like then. (now I'd do anything to get that body back) When we lived in SC the first time, I had a friend who had kids the same age as ours. Our husbands worked together, we'd always hang out, we'd walk the entire base just to get in exercise. Then we moved to VA and I joined a gym. I loved it there, I was feeling great, seeing results. Miss Natalie then came along and I just gave up. I was so tired from chasing all three kids alone since Wayne was on deployment. I would put the kids, the house, doing things for everyone else ahead of everything else that I just didn't care about myself anymore. I am finding out, that's not the healthy way to live. I need to make time for me.  
       I have been praying for quite some time now wondering a lot of things. I have been feeling down, I guess is a good word for it. I am not happy with a lot of things about me... Well, the time has come, God has helped, and I woke up this morning with a new outlook. For the first time in a long time I got my older two off to school, Wayne off to work, Natalie ready for the day and I worked my butt off. My house is clean, I worked out so hard and it felt great, Natalie and I went for a long walk around the neighborhood, I have nowhere to go today, but I still got showered, hair done, and makeup on. I am feeling "normal" again. I have a long way to go, but this is a start for sure!
              Psalm 126:1-6
 ¹ When the Lord restored the fortunes of^[a] Zion,
    we were like those who dreamed.^[b]
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
    our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
    “The Lord has done great things for them.”
³ The Lord has done great things for us,
    and we are filled with joy.

⁴ Restore our fortunes,^[c] Lord,
    like streams in the Negev.
⁵ Those who sow with tears
    will reap with songs of joy.
⁶ Those who go out weeping,
    carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
    carrying sheaves with them

    

Life Changes

    As most of you know, these last few weeks have been pretty difficult for our family. Yes, Wayne's deoployed and that in itself is difficult at times. Especially when big things happen for any of the three girls. My grandfather passed away just shy of two weeks ago due to cancer. He was such a great man and a huge part of our family. Even with being across the country, I never went more than a week without talking to him and my grandmother. It's hard to call there now knowing that I won't get to hear his voice. My aunt, his daughter, is fighting her own battle with lymphoma.  She's so stong and I know she'll pull through this and get better!
   Through all of this I have come to realize so many things that I'd like to share:

1)    Make each day count. I have always been too "afraid" to try new things, say things that I've wanted to, and be me. Not anymore. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow, so why not make every day a new experience. There are several things that I am terrified to do...... Sing in front of people (not sure why since I loved choir, but I am now).. Ride roller coasters. I have once and the people I rode with, were glad when it ended..lol I freaked out, I don't like knowing that I don't have any control over what it's going to do. I always bite my tongue when people ask my opinion and I don't agree with them. I've always been like that. What's the word for it? oh yeah, I'm a pushover. I want to be able to speak how I feel. Even if it's not what everyone else thinks, God gave us our own minds, personalities, and thoughts for a reason. Why have I been hiding that?

2)     Money is just that...money. Yes, we need it to pay bills, feed and clothe our families, but that's it. Why are we so obsessed to make soooooo much. Yes, it's nice to have a savings and know that it's there when we need it. But, if we're saving everything and not doing anything to have fun, is it really worth it? No. Now, I'm not saying go out and spend it on crap, but live a little. Enjoy the time while we have it. What if we die tomorrow? Can you stand there at the Golden Gates and know that you had the most fun you could in life? Will you regret not doing more?

3)     Love with all you have! I LOVE my husband, daughters, family, and friends, but there is more that I can be doing to show that. Wayne and I wrote our own vows for our wedding. To be honest, neither of us remember what we wrote or what each other wrote. I wish we did. We took a trip this past winter to Disney. Just the two of us, just for a few days. We had so much fun just being a carefree couple. We LOVE being parents, but we needed that time for us. We wrote each other letters with new promises. It was very romantic to read them to each other on the beach of our resort. Why do we only do that for special occassions? Why can't we just write them when we feel like it? Too many people think marriage is disposable anymore. It's not. It's something that is supposed to be for a lifetime.

I can't wait to work on all of these. Life is too short to let it slip away.

                    Embrace it...Enjoy it...Live it

The next step

All I can say is it's time to step up my game. I've been working out now for a little over a week and feeling GREAT. I enjoy going to the gym and busting my booty! Am I seeing results yet, oh yeah!!! I have noticed that my pants are baggier and my tummy is flatter. I know I still have a long way to go, but this definately motivates me to keep pushing myself.
I've working with a great trainer since I started, now I'm on my own and know what I have to do. Along with my gym workouts I have changed how I eat. I've cut out the crap, drink so much more water, and count calories. What am I eating?

Breakfast: Special K, or Oatmeal, or Peanut Butter Cheerios (they are healthy:)
Lunch: Progresso Light soups.. Very yummy and filling
Dinner: A homemade salad with carrots, broccoli, grilled chicken, and fat free light dressing.

I think I'm going to add in a workout at home too. I have p90x and Jillian's 30 day shred. Not sure which one I'll start with, but I can't wait to add another workout in each day.
My goal is still to have Wayne walk off that ship on homecoming day and have his jaw drop, if I keep up at the pace I'm at (if not better) I'll reach my goal in no time!!

A little over a week at the gym~ painful and tiring
Working out at home~ more tiring
Getting great results~ worth it
Seeing the look on my husband's face on homecoming day~ worth everything

*************     7 pounds down and counting!   *************************

Gotta Start Somewhere

My weight loss jounrey has been just that, a jouney. I joined Monday and had my first trainer appointment on Tuesday. Let's just say, it was interesting to say the least. She kicked my butt that's for sure. I weighed in, we talked about what my goal was, what I wanted my end result to be, and she created a workout plan for me. It was tough, I'm not going to lie about that, but it was great. I like that she's jumping right in and not "sugar coating" the workout just because I haven't done anything for a while. That's one reason I knew she was a great fit.
Woke up this morning and was pretty sore. It's a great sore though and I know that means it's working:) I went in and just focused on cardio. (helpful hint if you're working on losing weight. Don't just run at one pace, it won't do anything for you. Run for a minute and then slow it down for a minute. If you do that, you're confusing your body and burn more calories)
What motivated me today.....
I weighed in yesterday and then again this morning on the same scale........
I'VE LOST 3 POUNDS ALREADY!!!!!

A fresh Start

That's the size I want to be again ~~~~~>

I am so excited to announce that I joined the gym today!! I've always said that I'd never let myself go, that I'd always work hard to look how I wanted. Well, when you have three kids and a hubby who is home for a week and gone for months at a time, it's hard to put yourself first. Not anymore, I am doing this not only for me but for my husband and kids too.
When I had Lexi I bounced back (almost the exact same size) right away. I took kickboxing classes once a week, and felt great. The day I got married I felt wonderful. Once I had Kayla it was harder to lose. Then we moved again, I stopped going to the gym, got pregnant with Natalie and haven't done anything since. Well, she's 8 months old now and it's time to get back to me!!
I kicked butt today, have my first appointment with my trainer tomorrow (we'll meet three times in the first month and then once a month til we move) We'll do weight and measurments as well as the first hardcore workout she puts together for me. I know I'll be hurting, but I can't wait.
Wayne and I are having a "contest" to see who can lose the most weight over deployment. (he thinks he'll win) We weighed ourselves the night before they left and will the night they get back. I am so excited to beat him on this:)
Starting tomorrow, it's a whole new me. Only healthy foods, working out at the gym everyday, taking walks or working out at home as well.
I'm ready for my fresh start!

A New Year, a New Start

What a start to this new year. I don't even know where to begin.
The girls are all doing wonderfully. Alexis is loving first grade and doing so well. I love watching her learn new things, she's so excited to show us everything she's learned. Kayla is doing very well in preschool. She loves having "her" school and seeing all of her friends. Natalie is five months old today. Where did that time go? I look at all three of them and feel so blessed. I have three happy, healthy, beautiful, perfect daughters!!!
Wayne is getting ready for deployment number two. This one is going to be a little longer than the first one, but I know what to expect now and I know we'll do just fine. Ok, I take that back, you'll never know what to fully expect, but at least we have one deployment under our belt now so we know some things to expect. We've been told that no deployment goes exactly as planned, we found that out last time!!
We are getting ready to go on our first trip just the two of us. I am really nervous to leave the girls. My mom is going to watch them and I know they will be spoiled and will do great, but I've never left them. I feel guilty not taking them, but I know that Wayne and I need this time. We're going to Disney and it'll be alot of fun to run around like kids and just be us.
I know this blog is random, I have so many ideas and I'm not sure where to begin with this again. When I had Myspace, I know, no-one uses that anymore. lol, I blogged all the time. I am a writer, I also express myself better in writing so this is one "resolution" I'd like to keep this year, to get back on track with writing. It always make me feel better to write and get feelings out. That way I don't scream at someone who doesn't deserve it when I need to vent.. lol

We're Pregnant!!!

Yep, we're expecting baby number three. We couldn't be happier either!! We found out while Wayne was still home so we were able to celebrate together!! God is amazing and has blessed us with 2 beautiful daughters and a baby on the way:)

Where has the time gone?!

December already? I feel like we were just celebrating Christmas. Yes, I love the holiday season, it just came a little quicker this year. We've had a pretty great year and have been blessed in many ways. So, since I normally write a yearly letter to family and friends, I'll blog about it instead.
Well, Wayne's ship has been out of this shipyard for several months. With that said, he's been out to sea most of the summer in preparation for the upcoming deployment. That's right, it's closer than we'd all like it to be, but that's part of what we signed up for and knew it would eventually get here. This is our first deployment and I feel we are as ready as we can be. I don't think that anyone is fully prepared in every way. The girls really don't know what's going on yet. They are used to him being here and then being away, that's one nice thing about the underways, they got us all used to being apart. We've talked about it, but I am not sure they really get how long he'll be gone.
Alexis finished preschool and is doing very well in Kindergarten. She loves her new school and all of her new friends. We could not be more proud of how she's doing. :) She was involved with girl scouts (we're working on getting that all started here) and loves being involved with things outside of school and home.
Kayla's very ready to start school. Next fall, I am not sure I am ready for that yet. lol She's trying to learn everythingt that Lexi does and talks about. I think it's cute, it drives Lexi crazy sometimes though.
As for me, well, we moved within this last month and I've been busy getting everything situated. We love our new place, our new neighborhood, and how close we are to everything. I am a board member of our FRG too so that's helping keep me very busy. I enjoy working with all the other spouses on the ship. I am very close to finishing up with school. Two more big sections and then I take my National Boards. I am very excited about that:)
It feels good to be able to get all of my thoughts out! I hope that everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year :)

Sometimes I'm not sure why I started blogging when I hardly ever post anything new. Well, this is all I could think about doing last night to get frusteration out. This underway has been hard. I was hoping being home for a few weeks would help that, it's only made it worse. It's hard being here where we both grew up, our families are, all of our firsts were, and everything we knew, without him here with me. I have to admit that the previous underways have been fine, obviously I miss him more than I can say, but this one is different. I have always been the strong one during underways, being there for everyone else and not showing my emotions. I can't hide them this time. I'm going through the motions with everything lately, but not feeling anything. I'm not ok with this. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing our family and doing things that I can't do in VA, but it's not the same.
I know this isn't a long post, but I don't feel like writing as much as I thought I wanted to. Oh well, just another day!!

What a day?!

We've been in Virginia a little over a year. We've enjoyed the weather but, it's already 90 degrees the first full week of April. What are we in for this summer??? And the A/C decided today would be a good day to stop working..lol
I am sticking to my image goal:) I worked out at the gym yesterday morning, and at home while Watching the Biggest Loser, that's fitting..lol I haven't had pop (that used to be all I'd drink) and I've had sooooo much water. Everytime I turn around I'm filling up my 20 oz bottle again. I worked out again this morning and have been cleaning and moving furniture all day. Another workout at home sounds like a great idea too:)
Cleaning... Not my favorite thing to do, but I love the feeling when I've been cleaning so hard I'm sweating, and I see what my house looks like. It's awesome:) I think Wayne will be very pleased when he gets home in the morning. It's nice too because I have nothing to get done for the day he's home so we can just be together.
My kids are loving this day too. Lexi's on spring break, I can't believe I have a kid who's old enough for that.. Wow.. So we've been doing fun things to stay busy while she's home. We have been to the beach a few times, played in the pool we got today, and they've gotten to play together. They really miss each other while Lexi's at school (I'm sure that will change).

Goals

I've been blogging on myspace, but thought it was time to try this. I love expressing myself in writing and this is alot easier than keeping a journal on paper. So...here goes!
I've been making a list of goals since this year started, not New Year's Resolutions, cause those don't work. I mean actual goals that I WILL accomplish:)
My first goal is to be the best mom that I can be. I have two beautiful daughters who I love with all my heart. They are the reason I am alive and look forward to getting out of bed each morning. Alexis is almost 5 yrs old and Kayla is almost 3 yrs old. I wouldn't be who I am without my kids.
My second goal is to be the best wife that I can be. I am a Navy wife. Any military wife will tell you that it's a hard job. I love it and am very proud of my sailor, but there's work that goes into that. Wayne is the love of my life. When we met, I wasn't sure what would come of it, neither of us were. He'd already joined the military and I accepted that. We were meant to be together. I love him more today than the day I married him almost 4 years ago!
Third, to be a great daughter of God.. I am a Christian and proud to say it:) I pray everyday, at least twice, I have great friends who have the same beliefs that I do, and I love God. There are things I can be doing to make myself a better Christian, and that's what this goal is for!
And the last... To love myself. I have always had a confidence problem. There were times when I've felt better than others, but even then I wanted to be better. I have been going to a gym, eating better, only drinking water now (anyone who knows me, knows I've always hated water and never drank it), watching everything I eat, and working out at home as well. Between the sun tanning me already and working out, I am beginning to feel better. I still have a little way to go before my goal look, but I am working at it.
I'll update my progress as it happens, as well as new blogs about anything that comes to mind:)