Friday, January 16, 2015

Relationships

   I am and always have been one of those people who give their all in each and every relationship I have. Sometimes that has worked out, more often than not lately it has caused more pain than happiness. I either get taken advantage of or the other person in the relationship doesn't care the way I do and therefore it ends in feeling alone.
   When I say relationship, that goes for every kind, friends, husband, family. My relationships with family and my husband are fantastic. I am very happy in each and every one of them. The ones I am having a hard time with are friends.
    Yes, I have friends, but lately that lonely feeling has set back in. This may sound childish, but it's how I feel and that's what I am sharing. It hurts when you aren't invited out with the girls. I have had 2 girls nights in the last 2.5 years. I am a busy mom and wife, but I have time for friends. It's hard when you're the "new one". We have been here for over two years, but most of the friends I have grew up together and their friendships are set and stronger. I feel like an outsider sometimes. I know that's life with the military, just hard to swallow sometimes.
   
     

Friday, January 2, 2015

New Year...New Me

   I used to be a blogger. Well, if you can call the note section on myspace a blog. I would write and feel better about myself, get things out and not bottle them up, share thoughts with anyone who wanted to read them, and I was held accountable. One of my goals for this year is to blog more. I am not doing it for anyone else, I'm not doing it to air out dirty laundry, no-one even has to read it, I am doing it for me.
    Every year I try to make new years resolutions. Each year some of them happen while others aren't even close to being met. This year I have decided to shorten my list and make sure I complete them. How and why is this year different? That's  good question. Some of the things on my list, I have been working on for a few years, it's time that they happen, and that I make them happen.
     What are my resolutions this year?
*To be a better daughter of Christ
   ~Reading my Bible more, praying with purpose
*To be a better mom
    ~I absolutely love being a mom to my three beauties. There are some days that are harder than others and I need to work on those days. I need to be more positive, and make communication better and more meaningful between all of us.
*To be a better wife
     ~Being married is not always easy and fun. I love my husband like crazy, but being married takes work. We have different roles in the marriage and the family and I want to do whatever I can to make our marriage stronger.
*To lose weight and get healthier
       ~I have never been happy with how I look even when I as itty bitty. Having others motivate me and push me has always helped. This year I have several new ideas and plans in place to make this happen and I can't wait to start on this journey and reach the goal I've had for a while.
*To build my business
       ~I am still with ItWorks. It hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be, but I am thinking of new ways to tackle it and make it into something huge.

I have so many things in mind for each of these. I can't wait to get started and make 2015 the best it can be for myself and my family!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

I Forgive You

     I forgive you... Yes, you, the person reading this right now. I am writing this to family and friends. You might be wondering what I am forgiving you for. I guess I should fill you in on that now, right?
      Wayne and I go to an amazing church. One of the groups we "belong" to is Genesis, a wonderful group for young adults. I know, we're probably too old to be there still, but they are wonderful enough to let us keep attending...for now:) Last night we sang a song that we've sung several times, well one of the lines grabbed my attention.

"The cross before me, the world behind me. No turning back, no turning back"
    
I realized in that moment that I tend to live in the past and focus on things that have hurt me and upset me and I hold a grudge.God forgives us all for everything as long as we ask Him to, why is it so hard for us to do the same?  There are several people who don't even know that I hold that grudge against them, they don't know why. Some people may not care and that's fine. I'm not writing this for you, I'm writing it for me. I can't move forward and live my life the way God intended me to without moving out of the past and focusing on my future. To move out of the past, I have to let things go and forgive people so that I can start with a clean slate and forget about it all!!
    I have prayed over everyone that I need to forgive and told God what they've done to upset me and asked Him to help me move forward! There are some things that I am going to struggle with for a while. Some things are harder to get past, but I am going to do my best to work on them! 
     

Sunday, March 24, 2013

My Spiritual Journey


   I am the closest to God now that I have ever been. It's taken time, faith, patience, prayers, and going down the wrong path at times to get here. After a lot of thinking and praying, I've decided it's time to write about this amazing journey. Like all of my blogs, I don't really care who reads them, they are mainly for me but I share them (well, most of them) to let others in. 
   I was born and raised in a Christian home, went to church on a regular basis, went to a private Lutheran school, and have always known that Jesus is my savior! Does that mean that I've always done the right things? Absolutely not.
I have sinned, every one of us do all the time. Those who say they don't are not only not being honest with themselves and others, they aren't being honest with God. I stopped going to church for a while. I wouldn't talk about my love for God around friends because I knew they either didn't believe or I wouldn't have "fit in". I explored a different religion that I soon found out wasn't for me. I won't say which one that was because It's not my place to say they're right or wrong, but it wasn't what I believe in.
  When I was in high school, one of my favorite teachers and I were talking and she told me about the church that she went to. I tried it out and loved it. I went there for a few years, participated in the youth department helping out, and loved the church family that I had. I just knew that I was going to marry someone who had a similar background and things would be perfect. I was wrong, and I'm glad I was. Wayne never went to church while growing up. He said yes the first time I asked him to go with me and he's been going ever since.  We moved to South Carolina and found the most amazing church! We started going to a young adult night, we went to the first young marrieds group that was there, we'd be there every Sunday, we prayed and read the Bible, but it wasn't enough. All three of our daughters were all baptized and know that God loves them, but aside from dinner and bedtime prayers, we didn't talk about Him. I felt something missing, it was almost like going through the motions without the emotions behind it. Don't get me wrong, we loved everything about it all, but I still felt empty. I found out later why. Don't worry, we'll get to that part!
   When we moved from SC to VA, nothing was the same. We had a few friends who moved with us, we met new ones there, but never found a church we couldn't wait to go to. That's when I felt the most lost. I still prayed, listened to Christian music, and loved God, but that's where it ended. I would let myself get stressed out way more than I needed to over everything. Why? Because I wasn't allowing God into my whole life.
   Ok, now for the best part..... I feel complete and no longer empty!!! We are back at the church that we LOVE! We have amazing friends, true friends, who are our church family. The girls all love going into their classes, singing praise songs all the time, praying, and we talk about everything God does all the time. Wayne and I are now there on Sundays, Tuesdays for the young adult class, Wayne's playing with the church softball team, we go to the young marrieds group, and I go to MOPS. Does that make everything right and us good people? Not exactly. Yes, it's great that we are getting so involved. That's what God wants, but He wants more than that too. He wants a personal relationship with us all. 
We've seen God really start working more in our family! Wayne's leading prayers at home, we're talking about the lessons we've been talking about in all of our classes and services all throughout the week and making them part of our lives, we're talking about what holidays (i.e. Easter and Christmas even palm Sunday) are about with the girls. My parents have found their first church home in a few years (we had a great one, but after a few pastoral changes in very little time, it wasn't the same to us). Hearing them talk about it is amazing to me!
  I'm reading the Bible and several Christian books and trying to better my relationship with God. Every single person has to work at that everyday. I'm praying and living my life the way God wants me to. It's great to know that I'm whole again because MY GOD LOVES ME!!! God loves you too.. How amazing is that? Seriously, GOD LOVES YOU!!!
  

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Too many directions, one blog!


  So many thoughts, where to begin? Forewarning, this is going to be all over the place. lol

   Since the new year has started we've been working on one series in church. It was the most powerful series we've ever heard. Existing vs. Living. After the first week Wayne and I have had many conversations on the subject. Of course we're existing, we're alive right? BUT... We both agree we haven't been truly living. We aren't working to the potential that God has called us to. Yes, Wayne is in the Navy and works hard there, and I'm a mom and taking care of the girls and everything at home, but that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is following the plan God has to us in his entirety. What is God calling us to do? We all have dreams, hopes, expectations, but God's are better, bigger, and stronger. I am so excited to see everything that God has planned for us as individuals and as a family!   (random, if you watch Bones, she talks about living vs existing in the episode from this week)

    The greatest place in Earth is of course... DISNEY!!! We have been there every year for the last three years and are so excited to be going back this summer. We have it all booked and set up!! Since booking it, we've seen advertisements everywhere. Wayne ordered the Disney planning DVD and we watched it with the girls. Lexi and Kayla remember a lot of it, Natalie was kind of there. lol We were newly pregnant. Seeing their faces light up and talk about everything they want to do when we go back. They can't wait to stay in the Disney resort, Art of Animation in the Cars family suite. We're going to Magic Kingdom, Hollywood Studios, Animal Kingdom, Epcot, and Downtown Disney. They've picked out their costumes as well and can't wait til we get them. Lexi is dressing Cinderella, Kayla is dressing as Belle, and Natalie will dress as Snow White. Last time we went we did the Bibbidi bobbidi boutique where they had their makeup, hair, and nails all done, this time we aren't doing that since Natalie won't remember it, but we definitely will the next time we go. They are getting a HUGE surprise though once we get there:) I will leave that for a later post!!!
 
 This was the last time we were there with the girls once we visited the bibbidi bobbidi boutique
                                            The sign in front of the resort we're staying in
   This room is the family suite. It has a bedroom (left) a pull out bed (right) and the table on the very left pulls down into a bed too:) We can't wait to stay here

   The navy is our next stop on this crazy blog. lol Wayne's been in the Navy for a little over 6 years. The last time I blogged I talked about our decision to re-enlist. Well, after more praying and talking to some friends who now have a civilian job out of the Navy, we've decided not to re-enlist. We have about three years left and we will be on our next adventure. We are looking at two plants. One is in IL, not too far from where we're from, and the other is in MD. Either way, we're buying our first home!!!! We can't wait to buy a home, make it our own adding whatever we want to it and not having to ask permission or change it back. We got very lucky that we love everything about the house we're renting right now. We have loved getting to meet so many people and making some amazing friends that we never would have met without the Navy.

  Wayne's getting ready to run his first race. A 5k Rugged Maniac in the beginning of March. The girls are I are so proud of him and will be there cheering him on along the way!!

   Hmmm, I guess this is it for this post.. Till next time........

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Big Decisions!

 Lately we have been trying to decide on some pretty big things. Things that will impact our family greatly! With a lot of praying and talking we finally came up with an answer.. First, some background info........
 
  This Friday marks six years that we've been a Navy family. Yes, that means that if Wayne hadn't re-enlisted 4 years ago, we would be done with the Navy life this week. That's crazy to think. We added an additional two years (cancelled the last contract and made a new one of 6 years), thought we would finish up that time, get a job outside of the Navy, move wherever that job took us (we know that Indiana may not be an option and are prepared to move wherever we need to go), and start our lives there. Well, Wayne had to extend his current contract by a few months making it 3 years left in to be able to move back to SC for shore duty. We've been talking about what we're going to do next. We weighed our options

STAY IN~(PROS)  a set paycheck(increasing every year and as he advances), great insurance, meeting so many great people
(CONS) moving when told even if it's last minute, changing the girls' schools each time, still away from family

GET OUT~ (PROS) able to settle in one area where we find jobs and buy a house, might be closer to family, possibly making more
(CONS) maybe not getting a job right away, having to pay for insurance

Wayne has always told me since day one that if I ever decide I don't like this life anymore, we're getting out as soon as his contract is up and he won't re-enlist again. I have always loved that about him. He takes my feelings into consideration and realizes that we are both part of the Navy, in different ways, but we both serve.

We have decided to re-enlist! Yep, that means at least another 6 years in. We still aren't sure if it will be a career or not, but we will decide whether or not to re-enlist again when that time comes.

That was the first, and biggest decision we had to make. The other was since we're getting two leave periods this year.. When are we going to go home to visit? Originally we were only getting one this summer and were going to go home then. Now that we're getting two, we are planning a family vacation this summer and waiting until around Christmas to go home. As always, visitors are welcome to come here anytime!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

I'm back!

     Where have I been you may ask? I am not quite sure myself!
I used to be someone who had to dress cute, have my hair and makeup done, and always looking my best to even go to the store. I was happy then. I felt great, had more energy, I felt like me.
    For a while now it's been, oh we're going to the store, I have sweatpants on, a t-shirt with snot or something on it from my kids and I was ok with that. Yes, I am a mom, but there's no reason that I can't be me anymore. I have decided that I'm taking over again. 
     I haven't ever been happy with my body and my size. Even when I was itty bitty in high school, there was something I didn't like then. (now I'd do anything to get that body back) When we lived in SC the first time, I had a friend who had kids the same age as ours. Our husbands worked together, we'd always hang out, we'd walk the entire base just to get in exercise. Then we moved to VA and I joined a gym. I loved it there, I was feeling great, seeing results. Miss Natalie then came along and I just gave up. I was so tired from chasing all three kids alone since Wayne was on deployment. I would put the kids, the house, doing things for everyone else ahead of everything else that I just didn't care about myself anymore. I am finding out, that's not the healthy way to live. I need to make time for me.  
       I have been praying for quite some time now wondering a lot of things. I have been feeling down, I guess is a good word for it. I am not happy with a lot of things about me... Well, the time has come, God has helped, and I woke up this morning with a new outlook. For the first time in a long time I got my older two off to school, Wayne off to work, Natalie ready for the day and I worked my butt off. My house is clean, I worked out so hard and it felt great, Natalie and I went for a long walk around the neighborhood, I have nowhere to go today, but I still got showered, hair done, and makeup on. I am feeling "normal" again. I have a long way to go, but this is a start for sure!
              Psalm 126:1-6
 When the Lord restored the fortunes of[a] Zion,
    we were like those who dreamed.[b]
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
    our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
    “The Lord has done great things for them.”
The Lord has done great things for us,
    and we are filled with joy.
Restore our fortunes,[c] Lord,
    like streams in the Negev.
Those who sow with tears
    will reap with songs of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
    carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
    carrying sheaves with them
    

About Me

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Like the title says, I am just me! I created this blog several years ago as a way to put my thoughts down on "paper". I have come back to it from time to time, but lately I find myself thinking about more and more things to write. If it inspires you...great, if not, that's ok too. I'm Just Being Me!!

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